Journals of the Echo

its been a while....

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 14:22:43 GMT

ok,it has been a while since i logged in,but not a lot has been happening:( soooo much college work,it is mildly annoying,and by mildly i mean very!hehe.but emmmm not much really guys come and go...mostly go...nothing new at all.but some are nice...with my best male friend,kiran we've grown closer,he's the only human being i've only really ever gotten close to.and we...he was gonna be my boyfriend if someone hadn't gotten there first,ever since i've been territorial over him.like everytime i hear about him sleeping with someone...i get defensive...its cos i love him,not love love,platonic love.but bleh...hehe

jeans...and money...

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:17:29 GMT

why is it that i want new clothes...a lot...i really do!!!but i have no money:( i need a job,i really want one!but i cant find one...blech,damn my anti social nature!what with hating the human race and all...

death

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 17:09:19 GMT

I want to die...I really do...I don't think I can survive...I can't last out my entire life,i just want to end it all

^_^ooo

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:59:56 GMT

ooo i do believe it was my birthday the other day!lol,it was amazing!hehe,ahhh,i felt the need to like write something here....so there ya go...bye.

xxx<3

love

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 18:44:14 GMT

it's quite a load of crap isn't it...but worth it,if you can get it.Life,the game,we're all stuck in it together,and we can't get out.We have to grit our teeth and hope for the best.We get all grown up,and we have to keep going till the end.But its one hell of a ride,and worth it,all the time,all day,everyday.Never look back with regrets,cos life is about the fun,the experinece.finding someone like you...and having a time doing it.We're all in it together,and kinda screwed.

Sigh

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 18:58:14 GMT

There's this guy in college,i really like him.I think i may love him,but thats probably not it...he has a gf,he's not totally straight though,i know that for sure...at a party we were so close to kissing,but i couldnt...my rules,my mind...no matter how much i drank or tried not to care,somehow...i just couldnt kiss him.i want him,it would complete me,lol,for now...i dunno,i feel so alone..maybe im just in desperation....ive been alone a long time,well...yeah,and i want someone to wake up with me and share a part of my life with me.is that too much to ask?this guy drives me crazy,he occupies a lot of my thoughts,and he's stuck in my mind...help.lol

belonging

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 20:49:51 GMT

i cant really understand the term,to belong...i dont think i do...i try to forge relationships...but in reality i dont really want to,like bf things,ok,i know,confusing,ive confused myself.lol,im just over my...'man period',lol,woke up in a state yesterday and started crying...lol,yeah noit a very good thing to start off with.and i ate loads of chocolate,made me feel better,thanks to my good friend rohini:)why cant i be loved...all i need is a bf...its all i want a lot of the time...

mambo!!

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 01:06:43 GMT

I honeslty dont know,but lately ive been really energised!!like woah,look at me go.lol,sad that im listening to something latin...and dancing...badly..lol.
so yes,oddly energised,i dont know what it is really but like things are balancing out again.for a good while my life was a little imbalanced and stuff,adam wasnt present but now he's been back online,more frequently then the past few weeks i hope.actually tonight an awful lot of people who hadnt logged on in a while were logging in!weird.hmmm,but yes life is back,my sleep patterns are realigning and my usual controlled self with purpose and goals is back and shinning:)
but yes,i believe college has changed me,i mean i feel so much happier and confident in myself,that im actually...human in a way again,like i used to be,before i severed myself off from people and lived years in isolation.i feel,happy for the first time in a good while.though,there is one thing,i may be in college,but im still lonely in many ways,and behind,but i dont mind that,ive adapted.it is a little harsh sometimes when i walk into my house when its empty cos it always is on sats exept for me and my cat,and knowing that im looking into my future,this lonely life ahead.it can be unnerving to be able to see so far and be sure,but it is comforting,if i died,i would know what i missed,knowing that my life was lived as well as i could,and as i wanted to live it.also its not the destination,its the journey,and ive had my fair share,enough to know,its one hell of a ride.there are days when you just wanna give up and curl up in bed and cry and die,but then there are the great days when you burst into hysterical laughter and get drunk and interact with people!!hehe,doesnt seem like much to others,but to me thats a big thing!!!i mean like im bad with people,my default setting is silent and like never speak,i have to get over that big time.i just wish it didnt hurt so much sometimes...but thats life,and i choose the lonely route,cos i havent found the right guy...maybe i will,maybe i wont...

relationships...

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 17:56:27 GMT

relationships,they seem like a lot of bother...i recently got into a relationship with a really great guy,he is fantastic...like everything i've been looking for.But the truth is that i'm not fully happy,maybe its just that i am nervy and cautious.but i've been single quite a while,and in a way i preferred it.i mean,maybe its that i wanted a bf and stuff for so long,that now that i have it,its just a lil unbelievable...or maybe im meant to be alone,its not so bad,i mean...i was happy,relationship or no,i wouldnt have sex,i know its weird...but im not mad about it...its like a drug.its only because its normal that i crave it,im not social,and i guess in many ways im very lonely...i guess a lot of the time i prefer it that way.i was with my bf the other day and when i got home i felt crap,i just wanted the day to end.like i felt really uncomfortable...i dunno,guess its nervs...but like,i dont know,just so confused.lol,i guess that's life though right?just wish i could be more normal...ive come a long way in a year...but i still feel lonely...more so then i did before i made friends and stuff.i guess thats life though...just wish that i could be more...human?

Borders:)

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 15:13:15 GMT

I just got home from a new bookshop in blanchardstown,called Borders!!!it is like the best bookshp ever,i was in one in New York,but it wasnt nearly as cool as this one.It was really big!I bought a PG Woodehouse and everything,just cos i felt the need,really great place,and it has a starbucks in there aswell,really well laid out and organised,has info points and perfectness!!its like my heaven...sooo many books...sigh.i didnt wanna leave,but i shall get the bus out there during the week,to buy more!hehe,see its effects?tis a magical bookshop of buying:PI also bought the psapp album,"The only thing I ever wanted" a few days ago,which i am still hearting.And i went to my first ever party on friday,which went...interestingly...lol.But i never let my hair down,so i deserve to make an ejit out of myself sometimes...i think.lol...well i hope.and i am stuck in the dilema of which is better...chicken or fish...

First ever post!!!:D:D:D

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 01:49:54 GMT

Well,not quite sure what to write,it's my first post and i felt the page was a little bare.lol.did you know that 66%of irish people are in favour of gay marraige?and i think that is highly impressive considering that we've only had homosexuality legal here for less then 20years!America has had it legal for ages and we're moving faster.hehe.i think that since google have bought youtube,they really need to work on the upload feed thing,cos i get really annoyed when it stops playing like 2mins in or something....its painful..well i think this is enough for a first:)yay!